A woman gets on the bus with her daughter (maybe 8 years old) in tow. "Mommy, I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I'm sick" the daughter whines. "Darling, you have to go to school that way you can get a good job. You don't want to end up being a bus driver do you?" the mother replies (I'm assuming she thought I couldn't hear her).
Enough already! Reality check. Being a bus driver is a great job. We have a multitude of people working for us that have post secondary education...doctors, pilots, lawyers, etc.... I work for a company that treats me like gold. Their greatest asset isn't the 1.4 million dollar buses but the people that operate them. I have fantabulous benefits, the second best pension plan in the country and on top of all that I make more than triple the minimum wage. Still not enough to convince you? How about this?
At about 1:30 am I'm not in service, heading back to the depot. I'm travelling on a four lane road with a van in the left lane slightly ahead of me. Suddenly a black Chevy Malibu comes flying out of nowhere and comes right up to the bumper of the van. Without a turn signal or any extra space he cuts into my lane. This has to be one of the most reckless/stupid ass moves I have ever witnessed in my entire life. Both the van and I were travelling at 60 kms (I know I was speeding. My bad) and there was about half a car length between us. In order for this guy to get between us he had to kiss the van's bumper and nudge me out of the way (always a good idea to try and nudge a bus out of the way). Luckily an accident was avoided because both the van and myself saw this idiot and the van sped up while I hit the brakes. Not even thirty seconds later an undercover cop put on his lights and sirens and took off after the douche bag in the Malibu. The Malibu screeches around a corner and down a side street in an attempt to lose the cop. The cop follows. As I pass the intersection, I slow down and crane my neck in an attempt to see this idiot getting a well deserved ticket. No such luck. The Malibu turns down another side street with the cop in hot pursuit.
About five blocks later I just about t-bone a car that pulls out in front of me. Guess who??? The Malibu is back!! Seconds later the cop comes up behind me, lights and sirens going chasing that jackass for all it's worth. Unfortunately I have to leave the chase to go back to the depot but for the ten or so blocks I was involved in it was awesome!
And that's why kids you should be a bus driver. Think about it for a while. Do you really want to go $50,000 into debt just to get a piece of paper you can frame and hang on your office wall? You'll get a piece of paper once you finish training here as well...actually, I don't even know where mine is. But regardless of that fact, your life will resemble an action movie a lot of the time. You'll get a lot of great stories to impress your friends (and those of the opposite sex). The point being, it's way cooler to be a bus driver than an office guy!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
An oldie but a goodie
This happened a few years ago but it's by far my favorite bus story
It had snowed so there were quite a few snowbanks around. I was driving for a tour bus company at the time. My bus was full of middle aged Australian tourists. We arrive at our destination when two of my co-workers pick me up and throw me mercilessly into a snow bank. I'm lying on my back wondering if I've lost all respect with my tour group when I hear a few comments...."Oh, my goodness, are you okay dear?" "What big brutes you work with". Suddenly I hear "Don't worry about her, she likes being on her back!" coming from a 65+ year old man. I start laughing so hard, I can't even pull myself out of the snowbank. This was the best burn I've ever received and the fact that it came from an Aussie old enough to be my grandfather made it even better!
It had snowed so there were quite a few snowbanks around. I was driving for a tour bus company at the time. My bus was full of middle aged Australian tourists. We arrive at our destination when two of my co-workers pick me up and throw me mercilessly into a snow bank. I'm lying on my back wondering if I've lost all respect with my tour group when I hear a few comments...."Oh, my goodness, are you okay dear?" "What big brutes you work with". Suddenly I hear "Don't worry about her, she likes being on her back!" coming from a 65+ year old man. I start laughing so hard, I can't even pull myself out of the snowbank. This was the best burn I've ever received and the fact that it came from an Aussie old enough to be my grandfather made it even better!
The third (and hopefully last) assault
This happened a few months ago and I'm completely over it so don't get freaked out or feel sorry for me.
It was a typical night at work. I was asked out by a few bums, insulted a couple of times and had a few close M.V.A.'s. The route I was doing turned into a downtown night bus and I got a half hour break before I turned into the night bus. I pull into my terminus and get out to have a smoke. I know, I shouldn't smoke. But anyways I hadn't seen anyone when I pulled into the loop. As I'm smoking this guy comes out of now where; I guess he was lurking in the bushes or waiting in the bus stop which isn't visible from where I'm parked. He's about thirty and kinda hot, he looked like someone I'd go on a date with.
He starts walking towards me and I assume he's going to walk past me so I move off the sidewalk with my back towards him. The next thing I know is he's grabbed me from behind. It's almost like he's giving me a bear hug, except he's grabbing my boob. At this point all that's going through my head is "are you fuckin' kidding me? Again?". He wasn't a very good assailant because he had left my entire right arm free which I used to elbow him in the ribs many times. Sometimes it's good to be skinny with sharp elbows!!!
After I had elbowed him a number of times he gave up and ran away. I beelined for my bus, locked the doors and pressed the emergency response button. Although I was shaking so badly it took about five tries before I managed to actually hit the button. Communications calls me and I explain that I've just been attacked. They ask if they need to call the police. I say "Well the guy's already gone and I'm not injured so I don't think so." They then tell me a supervisor is on his way and he'll be there in about 15 minutes.
Five minutes later the supervisor shows up. He explains that he drove 140 kms to get to me. He also berated communications for not calling the police. Even though this guy is gone, the police need to be there, so he calls them. Meanwhile another driver shows up. The supervisor tells him to stay with me while he drives the streets looking for this douche bag. Five minutes later the supervisor comes back and informs me that he couldn't see this creep at all. Meanwhile the police show up (five cars) and transit security.
I explain for the millionth time what happened while the police get the dog out to do a search of the area. They also inform me that they have a helicopter with infrared technology to help spot this guy. They inform me that there's a known rapist in the area and he matches the description I gave them. I'm pretty shaken up and can't stop crying but at the same time, I'm finding humour in the whole situation.
1. This guy was the worst attacker EVER! By leaving my arm free, I was able to fight back and get away.
2. This guy was so desperate to get laid that he waited at a bus stop in the hopes of seeing a female driver instead of going to find a crack whore who'll give him sex for five bucks.
3. The fact that I had been assaulted twice before. I had frozen in those situations but was more prepared for this one. I fought back! YES! Gold star for me!
4. I got a search dog and a HELICOPTER!!! That makes for a good story!
In the end they didn't catch him. They took my jacket for DNA and it's definitely not like TV. I'll be getting my jacket back in about a year or so. The company booked me off my work and booked my boyfriend (now ex) off as well so he could comfort me. That's part of why I love my job so much, they will bend over backwards to help out their employees.
I went back to work a week later but found I was so paranoid that I couldn't drive. I did one trip and then booked off again. It was at the point where I only felt comfortable with my back up against the wall (even in my own apartment). With therapy and talking it out, I eventually returned back to work three weeks later. My supervisor asked if I wanted to switch to day shifts but I refused. I'm not going to let one ass ruin my job. I'm a night owl, I love working at night. I don't want to deal with traffic, and the drunks and the crazies are more fun.
That's when my supervisor accused me of being a vampire. So I hissed at him.
I fuckin' love my job and the company I work for. How often can you hiss at your supervisor and get away with it?
It was a typical night at work. I was asked out by a few bums, insulted a couple of times and had a few close M.V.A.'s. The route I was doing turned into a downtown night bus and I got a half hour break before I turned into the night bus. I pull into my terminus and get out to have a smoke. I know, I shouldn't smoke. But anyways I hadn't seen anyone when I pulled into the loop. As I'm smoking this guy comes out of now where; I guess he was lurking in the bushes or waiting in the bus stop which isn't visible from where I'm parked. He's about thirty and kinda hot, he looked like someone I'd go on a date with.
He starts walking towards me and I assume he's going to walk past me so I move off the sidewalk with my back towards him. The next thing I know is he's grabbed me from behind. It's almost like he's giving me a bear hug, except he's grabbing my boob. At this point all that's going through my head is "are you fuckin' kidding me? Again?". He wasn't a very good assailant because he had left my entire right arm free which I used to elbow him in the ribs many times. Sometimes it's good to be skinny with sharp elbows!!!
After I had elbowed him a number of times he gave up and ran away. I beelined for my bus, locked the doors and pressed the emergency response button. Although I was shaking so badly it took about five tries before I managed to actually hit the button. Communications calls me and I explain that I've just been attacked. They ask if they need to call the police. I say "Well the guy's already gone and I'm not injured so I don't think so." They then tell me a supervisor is on his way and he'll be there in about 15 minutes.
Five minutes later the supervisor shows up. He explains that he drove 140 kms to get to me. He also berated communications for not calling the police. Even though this guy is gone, the police need to be there, so he calls them. Meanwhile another driver shows up. The supervisor tells him to stay with me while he drives the streets looking for this douche bag. Five minutes later the supervisor comes back and informs me that he couldn't see this creep at all. Meanwhile the police show up (five cars) and transit security.
I explain for the millionth time what happened while the police get the dog out to do a search of the area. They also inform me that they have a helicopter with infrared technology to help spot this guy. They inform me that there's a known rapist in the area and he matches the description I gave them. I'm pretty shaken up and can't stop crying but at the same time, I'm finding humour in the whole situation.
1. This guy was the worst attacker EVER! By leaving my arm free, I was able to fight back and get away.
2. This guy was so desperate to get laid that he waited at a bus stop in the hopes of seeing a female driver instead of going to find a crack whore who'll give him sex for five bucks.
3. The fact that I had been assaulted twice before. I had frozen in those situations but was more prepared for this one. I fought back! YES! Gold star for me!
4. I got a search dog and a HELICOPTER!!! That makes for a good story!
In the end they didn't catch him. They took my jacket for DNA and it's definitely not like TV. I'll be getting my jacket back in about a year or so. The company booked me off my work and booked my boyfriend (now ex) off as well so he could comfort me. That's part of why I love my job so much, they will bend over backwards to help out their employees.
I went back to work a week later but found I was so paranoid that I couldn't drive. I did one trip and then booked off again. It was at the point where I only felt comfortable with my back up against the wall (even in my own apartment). With therapy and talking it out, I eventually returned back to work three weeks later. My supervisor asked if I wanted to switch to day shifts but I refused. I'm not going to let one ass ruin my job. I'm a night owl, I love working at night. I don't want to deal with traffic, and the drunks and the crazies are more fun.
That's when my supervisor accused me of being a vampire. So I hissed at him.
I fuckin' love my job and the company I work for. How often can you hiss at your supervisor and get away with it?
Monday, November 9, 2009
Worst night EVER
It started out by me getting asked out by two homeless guys. It's not a big deal, I get asked out by the homeless a lot. Normal guys don't find me attractive, it's just the bums.
I'm downtown and this woman runs in front of my bus, causing me to slam on the brakes and honk at her. She wants my bus and unfortunately I have to pull into the stop because there are other people waiting for me. The jaywalker tries to get on and I tell her she can't get on and she has to wait for the next bus. She's an older Asian woman who can't speak English very well. We end arguing for about two minutes. I finally relent and let her on the bus. This guy gets on after her and says to me "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE TROUBLE, YOU FUCKIN' BITCH! YOU'RE A FUCKIN' BUS NAZI!" I look at him and refuse to acknowledge him.
He goes and sits at the back of the bus. He then tells everyone what a bitch I am. It gets to the point where the entire bus hates me. Every time someone new gets on the bus, the rest of the passenger proceeded to tell them how I'm such a bitch. Meanwhile, the woman I tried to refuse service to speaks up. "I understand your rule for not eating on the bus but you can't make up your own rules. You have no right to refuse service to anyone" "Actually, I can refuse service to anyone I want. It's my bus and if I don't feel comfortable with the passengers, I can kick them off." I reply. She starts arguing back. I interrupt her stream of insults by saying "Look, it doesn't matter any more. You're on the bus, I don't want to argue with you anymore."
Every time someone gets off the bus, they either give me the finger and/or say "Fuck you bus Nazi!" Now, don't get me wrong, I can handle abuse. It unfortunately happens all the time. It's just when you're being insulted by over a hundred people within the span of half an hour and you know you were right in your actions, it starts to hurt. I made it to the terminus without any major crying jags or fist fights, although I was close numerous times. I get off the bus, have my cigarette, do some meditation and ten minutes later I'm ready to drive again.
As I'm turning off of the bridge that leads out of downtown a taxi starts drifting into my lane. I slam on the brakes (with a full standing load of drunks...they all flew into the windshield!) and lay on the horn. He keeps moving and hits my front bumper. I stop the bus and watch as the taxi aka fuckin' ass drives off. Now there is no way in hell he didn't notice hitting a bus. I pull the bus over and inspect the damage. The bumper is intact without a bit of paint on it. No damage! Fuck this shit, I'm not even going to call this accident in. There's no point, the taxi's gone and the company will never even know that I was hit.
I get to the end terminus, put the wheel blocks behind my rear wheels and go to the washroom. I come back to see a homeless guy in the process of stealing my wheel block. Just to clarify, this is a chunk of wood, and it's absolutely worthless, he won't be able to sell it on the street. "Hey what do you think you're doing? That's my wheel block!" I shout. He looks back and takes off running.
Fuckin' hilarious! A wheel block. What the hell is he going to do with it? Name it and keep it as a pet? Use it as a pillow?
I'm downtown and this woman runs in front of my bus, causing me to slam on the brakes and honk at her. She wants my bus and unfortunately I have to pull into the stop because there are other people waiting for me. The jaywalker tries to get on and I tell her she can't get on and she has to wait for the next bus. She's an older Asian woman who can't speak English very well. We end arguing for about two minutes. I finally relent and let her on the bus. This guy gets on after her and says to me "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE TROUBLE, YOU FUCKIN' BITCH! YOU'RE A FUCKIN' BUS NAZI!" I look at him and refuse to acknowledge him.
He goes and sits at the back of the bus. He then tells everyone what a bitch I am. It gets to the point where the entire bus hates me. Every time someone new gets on the bus, the rest of the passenger proceeded to tell them how I'm such a bitch. Meanwhile, the woman I tried to refuse service to speaks up. "I understand your rule for not eating on the bus but you can't make up your own rules. You have no right to refuse service to anyone" "Actually, I can refuse service to anyone I want. It's my bus and if I don't feel comfortable with the passengers, I can kick them off." I reply. She starts arguing back. I interrupt her stream of insults by saying "Look, it doesn't matter any more. You're on the bus, I don't want to argue with you anymore."
Every time someone gets off the bus, they either give me the finger and/or say "Fuck you bus Nazi!" Now, don't get me wrong, I can handle abuse. It unfortunately happens all the time. It's just when you're being insulted by over a hundred people within the span of half an hour and you know you were right in your actions, it starts to hurt. I made it to the terminus without any major crying jags or fist fights, although I was close numerous times. I get off the bus, have my cigarette, do some meditation and ten minutes later I'm ready to drive again.
As I'm turning off of the bridge that leads out of downtown a taxi starts drifting into my lane. I slam on the brakes (with a full standing load of drunks...they all flew into the windshield!) and lay on the horn. He keeps moving and hits my front bumper. I stop the bus and watch as the taxi aka fuckin' ass drives off. Now there is no way in hell he didn't notice hitting a bus. I pull the bus over and inspect the damage. The bumper is intact without a bit of paint on it. No damage! Fuck this shit, I'm not even going to call this accident in. There's no point, the taxi's gone and the company will never even know that I was hit.
I get to the end terminus, put the wheel blocks behind my rear wheels and go to the washroom. I come back to see a homeless guy in the process of stealing my wheel block. Just to clarify, this is a chunk of wood, and it's absolutely worthless, he won't be able to sell it on the street. "Hey what do you think you're doing? That's my wheel block!" I shout. He looks back and takes off running.
Fuckin' hilarious! A wheel block. What the hell is he going to do with it? Name it and keep it as a pet? Use it as a pillow?
Touchy feely
This woman gets on my bus and immediately starts speaking Hindi to me. Just to clarify, I'm white, like a fuckin' pasty white with green eyes. I don't look Indian at all. She then starts pinching my cheeks and pulling at my ears all the while jabbering in Hindi. I try explaining that I only speak English but she ignores me and continues on with her monologue in Hindi. She eventually starts shaking her finger at me and then gets off the bus.
I'm assuming she put a curse (or a hex) on me. Which is super awesome because I've never been cursed before.
I'm assuming she put a curse (or a hex) on me. Which is super awesome because I've never been cursed before.
I know it's been forever and a day since I last blogged. I'm sorry for that, but I'm blogging now.
It's my first day back at work and I was hoping that it would be a chill, relaxing day. Unfortunately god hates me and I can NEVER have a normal day at work.
Anyhow, I'm leaving the terminus; I have an hour and a half left in my shift when suddenly I lose primary air pressure. I'm on the on ramp about to merge onto a six lane street. I pull the bus over, shut it down and wait for it to build air. Nope, god really hates me. I end up losing secondary air pressure. I then call communications. Twenty minutes later they answer the phone. Their response is for me to bleed all the air out of the bus in the hopes that it'll build air from scratch. I tried explaining that the compressor isn't working and regardless of what I do, the bus won't build air pressure. They're adamant. "Just try it, and it'll probably work".
So I block the wheels and bleed the air out. Eventually the brakes dynamite (when you have low enough air pressure the emergency brakes automatically apply. They're spring brakes so unless you have enough air to release them, you're hooped.) I wait six minutes (normally it takes less than three to build the air up to 110 psi) and the air pressure is still 40 psi. At this point I'm half an hour behind schedule and the bus behind me is leaving. I get off my bus and guide him past me. He has about three inches to spare between my bus and the curb but he made it by.
I call communications back saying that the air hasn't built at all and the bus is now stuck. I have about an hour left in my shift, communications replies that they'll send a replacement bus and to run it out. That's bus talk for continuing on and pretending that you're on time.
By the time I get my replacement bus I'm an hour late. I pick up a total of six people. It costs about a thousand bucks to send a replacement bus out, plus they had to pay me the overtime. Was it really worth it? I wasn't the last bus, I wasn't leaving anyone stranded. Sometimes I don't understand the people who are in control. It would have saved them about 1500 bucks if they had sent me home early. And I would have gotten to go home early which is always great.
It's my first day back at work and I was hoping that it would be a chill, relaxing day. Unfortunately god hates me and I can NEVER have a normal day at work.
Anyhow, I'm leaving the terminus; I have an hour and a half left in my shift when suddenly I lose primary air pressure. I'm on the on ramp about to merge onto a six lane street. I pull the bus over, shut it down and wait for it to build air. Nope, god really hates me. I end up losing secondary air pressure. I then call communications. Twenty minutes later they answer the phone. Their response is for me to bleed all the air out of the bus in the hopes that it'll build air from scratch. I tried explaining that the compressor isn't working and regardless of what I do, the bus won't build air pressure. They're adamant. "Just try it, and it'll probably work".
So I block the wheels and bleed the air out. Eventually the brakes dynamite (when you have low enough air pressure the emergency brakes automatically apply. They're spring brakes so unless you have enough air to release them, you're hooped.) I wait six minutes (normally it takes less than three to build the air up to 110 psi) and the air pressure is still 40 psi. At this point I'm half an hour behind schedule and the bus behind me is leaving. I get off my bus and guide him past me. He has about three inches to spare between my bus and the curb but he made it by.
I call communications back saying that the air hasn't built at all and the bus is now stuck. I have about an hour left in my shift, communications replies that they'll send a replacement bus and to run it out. That's bus talk for continuing on and pretending that you're on time.
By the time I get my replacement bus I'm an hour late. I pick up a total of six people. It costs about a thousand bucks to send a replacement bus out, plus they had to pay me the overtime. Was it really worth it? I wasn't the last bus, I wasn't leaving anyone stranded. Sometimes I don't understand the people who are in control. It would have saved them about 1500 bucks if they had sent me home early. And I would have gotten to go home early which is always great.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
FYI
I'm going to be adding some posts from the past back in here, so please bear with me if you've already read them.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
My mom thinks I'm cool!
Friday night. Everyone's drunk except for me. For some strange reason, everyone thinks I'm the coolest bus driver out there. Why? Beats me. Maybe because I'm so laid back?
Some guys get on the bus and start taking off their clothes. One guy tells his friends to cool it or they'll get kicked off the bus. I get on the intercom and say "It's okay, you guys can strip just so long as you keep your skivies on." Then one guy comes up to me and remarks "You're really attractive, just not right now." OUCH! And I thought that drunk guys thought that every chick was hot?
I get to the point where I have a full standing load; I couldn't cram anyone else on even if I had a cattle prod. I make an announcement: "Squish in. Get close to someone you don't know. We're going for a new Guinness record. How many people can we fit in bus."
On my last trip (where I only go downtown and then back to the depot instead of out into the boonies), I make another announcement. "Can I have everyone's attention please? In case you didn't read the sign, this bus only goes downtown. If you need to get elsewhere, you're going to have to transfer buses. Let me know where you want to be and I'll direct you in the right direction. Now if anyone is drunk or has drank at least one drink, please remain seated at ALL times. If you stand up, you will fall and then I'll have to fill out paperwork and I really hate paperwork. So do me a favour, and keep your butt in the seat. If you're so intoxicated that you feel that you're going to puke, let me know BEFORE it happens and I will pull the bus over immediately and let you toss your biscuits. I'll even pull over in the middle of the bridge, that's how much I don't want you to puke on my bus. If anyone is asleep, you need to wake up now. This bus goes downtown and then back to the depot and if you wake up at the depot, it's not my fault and you're S.O.L. Thank you for your understanding and patience. Have a wonderful evening!"
I got a standing ovation for that announcement. I guess most drivers aren't so upfront about stuff? Or people are just drunk and thought I was trying to be funny? Either way, I didn't have any pukers or sleepers and everyone thought I was awesometastic! YEAH ME!!!
Some guys get on the bus and start taking off their clothes. One guy tells his friends to cool it or they'll get kicked off the bus. I get on the intercom and say "It's okay, you guys can strip just so long as you keep your skivies on." Then one guy comes up to me and remarks "You're really attractive, just not right now." OUCH! And I thought that drunk guys thought that every chick was hot?
I get to the point where I have a full standing load; I couldn't cram anyone else on even if I had a cattle prod. I make an announcement: "Squish in. Get close to someone you don't know. We're going for a new Guinness record. How many people can we fit in bus."
On my last trip (where I only go downtown and then back to the depot instead of out into the boonies), I make another announcement. "Can I have everyone's attention please? In case you didn't read the sign, this bus only goes downtown. If you need to get elsewhere, you're going to have to transfer buses. Let me know where you want to be and I'll direct you in the right direction. Now if anyone is drunk or has drank at least one drink, please remain seated at ALL times. If you stand up, you will fall and then I'll have to fill out paperwork and I really hate paperwork. So do me a favour, and keep your butt in the seat. If you're so intoxicated that you feel that you're going to puke, let me know BEFORE it happens and I will pull the bus over immediately and let you toss your biscuits. I'll even pull over in the middle of the bridge, that's how much I don't want you to puke on my bus. If anyone is asleep, you need to wake up now. This bus goes downtown and then back to the depot and if you wake up at the depot, it's not my fault and you're S.O.L. Thank you for your understanding and patience. Have a wonderful evening!"
I got a standing ovation for that announcement. I guess most drivers aren't so upfront about stuff? Or people are just drunk and thought I was trying to be funny? Either way, I didn't have any pukers or sleepers and everyone thought I was awesometastic! YEAH ME!!!
Smells like teen spirit
Normally, I drive the routes that go through the bad parts of town. As a result the clientele mostly consists of crack whores, bums, vagrants, winos, ex-cons, and everything in between. To say the least, the stench is unbearable. I drive with the windows open, fans on but that does little to combat the smell. Occasionally, I'll come home and my boyfriend will remark that I smell like I'm homeless.
If you haven't smelled this particular stench, you won't quite understand but I'll do my best to describe it to you. Combine the smell of a dump, a sewage treatment plant, sweaty gym socks, unwashed hair mixed with motor oil, stale alcohol that has begun to grow mold, cat urine, garbage, rotten food and any other obnoxious, revolting scent you can think of. That's what my bus would smell like and then it would permeate my clothing making me smell like that, hence why my boyfriend commented on my scent.
Over the last week, I've been driving a new route that takes me through the richer part of town. Seeing as it was Friday night everyone adopted their finery and bathed in perfume/cologne. It got so bad, that I felt like I was in a department store suffocating by way of Channel number 5. It got to the point where I almost wished for the homeless smell over the perfumed smell.
Unfortunately God hates me and heard my prayer. A homeless man got on the bus (he's actually gotten on everyday at the exact same time...8:37pm) carrying his bag containing a six pack of toilet paper. Everyday for the last week he's gotten on with his six pack of T.P. You know when your house/car/little brother gets toilet papered, and you wonder who did it? Well I've solved the mystery. It's this guy. Believe me.
Anyways, he gets on and immediately the bus smells like a overly perfumed dumpster. Why can't I just have a bus full of people who don't smell of anything? But like I previously mentioned, God hates me and wants to torture me.
Mission accomplished God. I survived this. What are you going to do next? Go ahead, try it, make my day!
If you haven't smelled this particular stench, you won't quite understand but I'll do my best to describe it to you. Combine the smell of a dump, a sewage treatment plant, sweaty gym socks, unwashed hair mixed with motor oil, stale alcohol that has begun to grow mold, cat urine, garbage, rotten food and any other obnoxious, revolting scent you can think of. That's what my bus would smell like and then it would permeate my clothing making me smell like that, hence why my boyfriend commented on my scent.
Over the last week, I've been driving a new route that takes me through the richer part of town. Seeing as it was Friday night everyone adopted their finery and bathed in perfume/cologne. It got so bad, that I felt like I was in a department store suffocating by way of Channel number 5. It got to the point where I almost wished for the homeless smell over the perfumed smell.
Unfortunately God hates me and heard my prayer. A homeless man got on the bus (he's actually gotten on everyday at the exact same time...8:37pm) carrying his bag containing a six pack of toilet paper. Everyday for the last week he's gotten on with his six pack of T.P. You know when your house/car/little brother gets toilet papered, and you wonder who did it? Well I've solved the mystery. It's this guy. Believe me.
Anyways, he gets on and immediately the bus smells like a overly perfumed dumpster. Why can't I just have a bus full of people who don't smell of anything? But like I previously mentioned, God hates me and wants to torture me.
Mission accomplished God. I survived this. What are you going to do next? Go ahead, try it, make my day!
Fish heads, fish heads, roly, poly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up. Yum!
Actual conversation between two males aged 30.
Guy 1: Who would you do if you could do any Disney character?
Guy 2: Mulan, definitely. She's hot and I like Asians. You?
Guy 1: Ariel from the little mermaid. I get ya on the Asian thing but I tend to go for the redheads.
Guy 2: Oh, yeah. I forgot about her, I'd do her too.
My internal thoughts: You guys do realise you're talking about a mermaid...meaning her lower half is a fish. She most likely has NO vagina...unless of course they're talking about her after she's turned into a human.... Wait a second, why am I even pondering this? We're talking about animated characters here.
Guy 1: Who would you do if you could do any Disney character?
Guy 2: Mulan, definitely. She's hot and I like Asians. You?
Guy 1: Ariel from the little mermaid. I get ya on the Asian thing but I tend to go for the redheads.
Guy 2: Oh, yeah. I forgot about her, I'd do her too.
My internal thoughts: You guys do realise you're talking about a mermaid...meaning her lower half is a fish. She most likely has NO vagina...unless of course they're talking about her after she's turned into a human.... Wait a second, why am I even pondering this? We're talking about animated characters here.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Caution...this post contains profanity...more than my other ones
Guy getting off the bus: Thank you.
Me: Your welcome.
Guy: No! I said Fuck you! FUCK YOU!
Me: Well in that case, have a nice day.
Guy: Stop it! Stop being so fuckin' cheerful.
Me: I can't help it, it's in my nature.
Guy: Fuck you, you fuckin' fucker. Fuck! Why do I always get fuckin' stuck with these goddamn chipper fuckin' people? I hope your fuckin' bus crashes and you fuckin' die you stupid fuckin' fuck face!
Me: Bye!
And then I shut the doors and drove away before he could utter one more "FUCK".
I love my job so much! That's not sarcasm either. People often ask me how I can handle all the abuse that I get. Really, it's quite easy. I laugh at people in my head, pretend to be offended (so they'll feel satisfied in the insults they've given) and then go home and blog all about it!
Me: Your welcome.
Guy: No! I said Fuck you! FUCK YOU!
Me: Well in that case, have a nice day.
Guy: Stop it! Stop being so fuckin' cheerful.
Me: I can't help it, it's in my nature.
Guy: Fuck you, you fuckin' fucker. Fuck! Why do I always get fuckin' stuck with these goddamn chipper fuckin' people? I hope your fuckin' bus crashes and you fuckin' die you stupid fuckin' fuck face!
Me: Bye!
And then I shut the doors and drove away before he could utter one more "FUCK".
I love my job so much! That's not sarcasm either. People often ask me how I can handle all the abuse that I get. Really, it's quite easy. I laugh at people in my head, pretend to be offended (so they'll feel satisfied in the insults they've given) and then go home and blog all about it!
Bus drivers are not hair dressers or bar tenders...we do not want to listen to your problems!
Guy: Hey, my girlfriend's mad at me. Can I ask you some advice?
Me: Ummm...I'm really not the best person to ask. I'm not a normal girl. I can't even remember the date my boyfriend and I started going out.
Guy (ignoring me): My girl's pregnant and she asked me to pick up all of this facial stuff for her but I had to go way out in the suburbs to get it. Now she's pissed because I'm coming home so late.
Me: Huh? I don't understand. She asked you to get stuff for her and you trekked way out there to get it, when you didn't have to and she's mad? She should be happy you made this long journey to get the stuff for her.
Guy: So should I get her a monkey or something?
Me: A real monkey?
Guy: No, a stuffed monkey.
Me: A stuffed animal? Aren't stuffed animals for kids?
Guy: Nah, girls love stuffed animals.
Me: Really? I'd punch a guy if he got me a teddy bear. I'd rather a case of beer. But like I mentioned before, I'm not the best girl to ask. Obviously you know her best, so you should do whatever you think will make her happy.
Guy: Thanks for the advice. You're a lifesaver.
Me: No worries.
Internal thoughts: Why the hell are you thanking me? I gave you no useful advice whatsoever.
Me: Ummm...I'm really not the best person to ask. I'm not a normal girl. I can't even remember the date my boyfriend and I started going out.
Guy (ignoring me): My girl's pregnant and she asked me to pick up all of this facial stuff for her but I had to go way out in the suburbs to get it. Now she's pissed because I'm coming home so late.
Me: Huh? I don't understand. She asked you to get stuff for her and you trekked way out there to get it, when you didn't have to and she's mad? She should be happy you made this long journey to get the stuff for her.
Guy: So should I get her a monkey or something?
Me: A real monkey?
Guy: No, a stuffed monkey.
Me: A stuffed animal? Aren't stuffed animals for kids?
Guy: Nah, girls love stuffed animals.
Me: Really? I'd punch a guy if he got me a teddy bear. I'd rather a case of beer. But like I mentioned before, I'm not the best girl to ask. Obviously you know her best, so you should do whatever you think will make her happy.
Guy: Thanks for the advice. You're a lifesaver.
Me: No worries.
Internal thoughts: Why the hell are you thanking me? I gave you no useful advice whatsoever.
Monday, August 24, 2009
It all happened in three days.
Wednesday:
I pick up a drunk old man who's carrying a shopping bag. He stumbles onto the bus and takes a seat close to the rear doors. As I continue driving, I see him pull a beer out of his bag and start drinking it. I immediately pull over.
"Sir, you cannot drink on the bus. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." I say.
"I'm fine. Keep driving woman." He replies.
"Nope. Get off now, or I'll call security and have them escort you off the coach and believe me, they won't be nearly as nice as I am." I say.
He then stands up, says "I'm done anyways", pours his mostly full beer on the aisle of the bus and urinates himself. After he gets off, I call dispatch and request for someone to come clean the bus. They respond by asking me if I can carry on. Ha! That's funny! I've got a bus with urine and beer running down the aisle, I'm not driving this thing until it's clean!
Thursday:
A man gets on the bus downtown and asks if I go to 45th Ave. I reply that I do and he sits down at the back. As the bus eventually empties out, he gradually moves closer and closer to the front. Eventually he's the only one left on the bus and he's sitting in the seat closest to me. A few blocks from his destination, he gets up, stands behind me and starts talking to me.
As I pull into his stop, he stumbles and falls into me. I saw it coming so I put my arm out to block myself. I feel his arm snake past my outstretched arm and land on my chest. He immediately starts grabbing and pinching until he's gotten a handful of my boob. He then stands up and exits the bus as though nothing had happened. The whole entire incident with him not even looking in my direction. It was almost as though he thought that if he didn't look at me, I wouldn't notice what was happening.
Many people asked me after the fact why I didn't do anything to stop him or do anything after the fact. The reason is, I didn't expect this to happen at all. I was in shock that it was happening to me. I couldn't react even if I wanted to. I just shut the doors and drove back to the yard. Twenty minutes later I called the assault in but by that time it was too late to do anything.
After the assault, I was left with a large bruise on my chest. Looking back, I realised that this man was not intoxicated as he had led me to believe. It was just a ruse that he used in order to grab me.
Friday:
It's about eight pm and I'm driving through the rich part of town. I stop to let about six teenagers on the bus. A few stops later, I get pulled over by the cops. There's one car blocking the front of the bus, one behind me and one blocking on coming traffic. I open the doors and let a female officer on the bus. "Lock the doors right now" She commands me. I comply.
"EVERYONE, HANDS IN THE AIR. SHOW ME YOUR HANDS" She yells. I let another cop on the rear doors and together they start questioning the teenagers. Meanwhile, a supervisor shows up and asks me what's going on. "I have no idea. The police just boarded my bus and started screaming orders at the passengers." I say. I get up out of the drivers seat to get off the bus when one of the cops yells at me, "Stay right where you are" I instantly slink back into my seat wondering what the hell is going on.
About ten minutes later the female officer comes to the front and fills me on what's happening. Some kids had robbed a jewelery store and in the process sprayed a cop in the face with hairspray. The officer asked me a few questions. Where had I picked them up? What time? Etc.... Turns out the teens on my bus weren't involved and I was allowed to continue driving. I overheard the kids after the cops left the bus talking about the robbery and how they knew who did it. I could have called the police after hearing that but I knew it would be useless. These teens would never admit who had done the robbery and they had already been thoroughly questioned.
It's unfortunate being put in those circumstances. I had information but I knew it couldn't be used. Also these teens were part of a gang and I didn't really want to be the one who ratted them out to the cops.
And that is just a typical week for me.
After the assault, I was left with a large bruise on my chest. Looking back, I realised that this man was not intoxicated as he had led me to believe. It was just a ruse that he used in order to grab me.
Friday:
It's about eight pm and I'm driving through the rich part of town. I stop to let about six teenagers on the bus. A few stops later, I get pulled over by the cops. There's one car blocking the front of the bus, one behind me and one blocking on coming traffic. I open the doors and let a female officer on the bus. "Lock the doors right now" She commands me. I comply.
"EVERYONE, HANDS IN THE AIR. SHOW ME YOUR HANDS" She yells. I let another cop on the rear doors and together they start questioning the teenagers. Meanwhile, a supervisor shows up and asks me what's going on. "I have no idea. The police just boarded my bus and started screaming orders at the passengers." I say. I get up out of the drivers seat to get off the bus when one of the cops yells at me, "Stay right where you are" I instantly slink back into my seat wondering what the hell is going on.
About ten minutes later the female officer comes to the front and fills me on what's happening. Some kids had robbed a jewelery store and in the process sprayed a cop in the face with hairspray. The officer asked me a few questions. Where had I picked them up? What time? Etc.... Turns out the teens on my bus weren't involved and I was allowed to continue driving. I overheard the kids after the cops left the bus talking about the robbery and how they knew who did it. I could have called the police after hearing that but I knew it would be useless. These teens would never admit who had done the robbery and they had already been thoroughly questioned.
It's unfortunate being put in those circumstances. I had information but I knew it couldn't be used. Also these teens were part of a gang and I didn't really want to be the one who ratted them out to the cops.
And that is just a typical week for me.
Creepy
I pull up to a stop and an elderly gentleman gets on. He has white hair, is slightly stooped and carries a cane.
"Woah! I got the pretty driver. Look at you with your rosy cheeks and pigtails. You're adorable." He says.
He stands directly behind me, peering over my shoulder as I start to drive. I'm quite uncomfortable with people being that close to me since I have been assaulted three times while at work.
"Move behind the red line please" I state.
"Yeah, that's it. Order me around. Tell me what to do." He replies.
"Please, sir, I'm asking you nicely. Get behind the red line for your own safety." I say
"Yes, yes, yes" He replies in an orgasmic voice.
"I'm serious, get behind the red line RIGHT NOW!" I demand.
"Yes, yes, yes" He says in an orgasmic voice.
"MOVE TO THE BACK OF THE BUS NOW!" I yell.
"Yes. I've been a naughty boy. You going to punish me?" He asks while leering at me.
I stop the bus and turn to face him. Big mistake. I notice right away he has an erection. Now this is starting to get really creepy. It's like he's role playing.
"LOOK! I'VE HAD IT. MOVE TO THE BACK OF THE BUS OR ELSE WE WON'T BE GOING ANYWHERE!" I scream at him.
Finally he moves to the back of the bus.
Sometimes, I hate being female.
"Woah! I got the pretty driver. Look at you with your rosy cheeks and pigtails. You're adorable." He says.
He stands directly behind me, peering over my shoulder as I start to drive. I'm quite uncomfortable with people being that close to me since I have been assaulted three times while at work.
"Move behind the red line please" I state.
"Yeah, that's it. Order me around. Tell me what to do." He replies.
"Please, sir, I'm asking you nicely. Get behind the red line for your own safety." I say
"Yes, yes, yes" He replies in an orgasmic voice.
"I'm serious, get behind the red line RIGHT NOW!" I demand.
"Yes, yes, yes" He says in an orgasmic voice.
"MOVE TO THE BACK OF THE BUS NOW!" I yell.
"Yes. I've been a naughty boy. You going to punish me?" He asks while leering at me.
I stop the bus and turn to face him. Big mistake. I notice right away he has an erection. Now this is starting to get really creepy. It's like he's role playing.
"LOOK! I'VE HAD IT. MOVE TO THE BACK OF THE BUS OR ELSE WE WON'T BE GOING ANYWHERE!" I scream at him.
Finally he moves to the back of the bus.
Sometimes, I hate being female.
Monday, August 17, 2009
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